006: a year in review
how i'm feeling now (word to charli), favorites of the year, and 2024 ins & outs
Before I begin: Happy Holidays and I hope you have a happy New Year too. If you’re reading this in your email, thank you for subscribing to Camilla Was Here. I have not uploaded since August which I apologize for, but have been consistently gaining subscribers which I’m very grateful for. I’ve been working on a couple of personal, introspective pieces that aren’t quite ready yet, but you’ll receive them at some point in the New Year. Thanks for sticking with me & I hope you enjoy this small year in review :)
When I think about 2023, I think about how it felt like a year of solitude. I spent much of the year alone and think I’m better for it. The solitude was not necessarily a choice so much a byproduct of my environment. During the days, I was preoccupied with work and school tasks. Once I completed those, I would recharge in my room watching mindless television (read: reality TV) or read until I decided to go to sleep. On weekends, I used my time to Rest (read: watch mindless television, nap, read) and to prepare for Monday (read: do work for the upcoming week and fight the Sunday scaries). Then, the cycle would repeat itself.
Opportunities would present themselves for me to do things other than that, but more often than not the opportunities would not coincide with the responsibilities that I had. As a result, most days I was in the company of one, and surprisingly, I handled it pretty well. I adjusted to enjoying the company of myself. I had a lot of self-dates, pursued new adventures (this Substack is one!), and took note of the way I started to change internally.
As I leave 2023, I feel as if I am shedding old skin and growing into a new one. Along with this, I find that many of the relationships in my life are changing, too. I find myself outgrowing old friendships and leaning into new ones. This is a given in life, but I’ve never experienced the changing of many relationships at once. I am confident in the fact that at the beginning of the year, I would have been freaked out by all these major shifts. It's unlike me to be open to change without any pushback. However, 2023 has helped me get to a place where I look forward to it.
As I write this right now, I don’t feel like the same person I was at the start of the year, but I’m also not exactly sure of what person I am right now. I’m changing, but I can not put my finger on who I am changing into. At the end of each year, I can usually predict what the themes of my life will be for the following year. But looking ahead to 2024, I have no idea what is in store for me as it concerns said themes. This thought fills me with anxiety, but a good amount of anticipation for what’s to come. If I had any way to describe how I’m feeling right now, I could only say that it is the calm before a [positive] storm. I’m not sure if this is a general vibe everyone is feeling, but I can say for myself:
Here are my favorite moments of 2023:
And lastly,
Favorite read of the year: Cleopatra and Frankenstein
Favorite watch of the year: Rye Lane (2023
Favorite song of the year: Namesake by noname
Favorite Camilla Was Here post of the year: 004: Cawfee
Doing my ins and outs list is my favorite part of the end of the year. Here are my ins and outs for 2024 (subject to change mid-year because of mercury retrograde).
INS
Shaun the sheep
Audiobooks
Chai lattes (both iced and hot)
Waking up @ 6:30 a.m.
Exploring personal style creativity (for real this time)
Cooking
VSCO
Prioritizing screen time of 3 hours or less
Listening to app limits to help with the above
Shadow-work
Lynette Adkins on YouTube
Vlogging/video diaries (not for public use, but for record-of-life reasons)
discipline*
Mending relationship with self (internal reflection galore!)
Yogurt for breakfast
Morning pages
Incorporating rings into my everyday.
@yszwnska (Yolanda) on Tiktok and Instagram
OUTS
SPENDING MONEY ON FOOD.
Overconsumption
Oversharing
Two-party electoral system
Social media-induced brain rot
Celebrity culture
Friends of convenience
Instant gratification (related to discipline)
Expecting external validation and recognition
Waiting for *something* to happen to do something else, just do it.
Sunday Scaries
*discipline not in the capitalist sense, but realizing that good things take time. To cultivate and maintain any growth/skill I need to be disciplined and committed to the process. I find myself focused on the end goal of many journies I start, but am often deterred by the lack of instant gratification in the journey. I want to see more things through this year!
That’s all folks! Once again, thank you for being here. I’ll see you in the New Year. Maybe this is the year we’ll beat the Sunday scaries once and for all! Until then…
